These past few weeks have been spent doing some inner reflection. One thing in particular that I've really been thinking about is vulnerability. What I've realized from reflection is that we tend to shield ourselves from being vulnerable, myself included.
There are a handful of reasons of why we do this. Generally I think its because we've all been hurt and are scared to open ourselves up. Because if we do there's a possibility that we may get hurt again. So I'm here to say who cares? Who cares if you open yourself up and get hurt by someone. You have to risk everything in order to feel something. I know I would much rather be vulnerable with someone and in turn allow them to be vulnerable with me. That's the only way you'll truly find something real.
Here's the thing, there's a difference in being vulnerable than being open with someone. I'll tell you why. When you're open with someone you share your past pains, your secrets and maybe even your feelings. But when you're vulnerable you allow someone to see that pain within you. You show your true self. Maybe I'm not making sense to some of you. Hell, I don't even know if I'm making sense to me.
What I do know is that I haven't been as vulnerable as I should be. I'm an incredibly open person. If you have a question about me or my life I will answer it honestly and full heartedly. But when speaking on things such a love or loss I noticed I tend to play it off as "the cool girl". You know, that girl who's been through some shit and it doesn't even seem to phase her. I'm sick of playing that girl. From here on out I am going to allow myself to feel. To hurt and to love.
For too long I've let the world and my pain make me hard. And I've held on to hatred for my past lovers who have scorned me. I am letting that go. I've been hurt and broken and I am full of bruises. I'm done hiding those bruises. I am here to show them to the world. To friends, lovers and strangers. I want the world to see my pain.
So here I am making this commitment. To be soft. To not let my rigid edges define me. My soul is open to the universe and everything that comes my way.